Jasmine Hart

Hi, The tones here are great, they really complement the piece. "And be ashamed of this daughter of mine" is great. I'd add more specific imagery to the third stanza ...

Hi, I loved loved loved this! It is haunting and beautiful, your imagery is great, I love the alliteration and it flows perfectly. I especially loved the first three and ...

Hi, I love the final stanza. The imagery is great and it flows very nicely, and I enjoyed your alliteration in the second stanza. I'd cut "silently" from the first ...

Hi, I like your use of couplets here, it makes this very easy to read. I'd cut vague statements like "cold and full of hate"-instead, describe it in detail. What ...

Hi, I really like the idea behind this, and the layout works very nicely. I love the first two lines of stanzas two and three. I kept expecting this to ...

Hi, You express yourself beautifully. I absolutely adored "The weather; cruel and pretty". "Wind lifted and twisted its path" is really great. I'd change the last line of this stanza ...

Hi, This has a great energy to it, and I really love; "Fresh cut grass is all around, spectacular greens. Can you smell it, too? Oh, how I want to ...

Hi, The first two lines are really great. They drew me in and flow very well. I'd change; "I watched the rattle tap lighly on the ground (should be "lightly") ...

Hi, This is really lovely. It flows nicely and the pattern works well. I loved; "I think about the things, bad things that go wrong. But I refuse to dream ...

Hi, This flows really nicely but I think you're being restricted by the rhyme, for example; "It all flows like ribbons and bows. But there’s a catch in the seam; ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this. "He had not tasted anything like, the rough, dry toast" and "His broken heart as messy as the scrambled eggs before him" are brilliant lines. ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. This flows nicely, and the repetition of the "er" sound at the end is very effective, suggesting that it is ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. The first two lines really drew me in. The emotion comes across very powerfully. I'd change the second two as ...

Hi, This was nice and uplifting. I think the repetition of "up" helped build the whole motivational tone up. I'd say "There are" at the beginning as it sounds more ...

Hi, I love the rhythm of this piece. The form is great and the tone works well here. I'd take another look at stanzas four, six and seven as the ...